HOW TO WOO A WOMAN

Thursday 5 September 2024

How to Avoid in Early Pregnancy

 



Getting that positive pregnancy test is undoubtedly exciting—but more likely than not, you’re also feeling anxious. Your entire life is about to change, and you’re likely wondering what you’ll need to do to care for yourself and your growing baby. For example, are there foods to say no to during pregnancy? There are a lot of conflicting opinions out there on things to avoid in early pregnancy. To give you some clarity, we’ve talked to experts about what to steer clear of.

Specific Foods

Even if you eat a healthy diet during pregnancy, certain foods can still pose a risk of developing a baby. These include:

Raw or undercooked fish

Raw or undercooked fish can contain parasites and bacteria like salmonella or listeria, which can be very dangerous to you and your baby. Instead, you can cook and enjoy fresh fish. “Wait till after you have a baby to have a sushi celebration,”.

Deli meat

If you’re going to have deli meat while pregnant, make sure you cook or heat it up thoroughly before eating to avoid the risk of listeria, says health professionals. Heat your meat to at least 165 degrees,. You’ll also want to skip deli-made salads made with mayo, such as potato and egg salads since those are prepared and eaten cold. “We’re not sure how long it’s been sitting out before purchase,” 

Unpasteurized foods and drinks

Be sure to avoid soft cheeses such as queso fresco since they can contain listeria and other bacteria, says Mahon. “Rule of thumb: In pregnancy, avoid unpasteurized food and unpasteurized liquids like raw milk and unpasteurized juices,” .

Unwashed produce

It’s a good idea to eat lots of fruits and vegetables in pregnancy (and always!). Still, you need to make sure to wash them thoroughly, says Donna Adams-Pickett, PhD, MD, an ob-gyn at Augusta Women’s Health and Wellness Center in Georgia.

High-mercury fish

Mahon says that seafood with high mercury levels can affect a baby’s brain development. “The bigger the fish, the greater the mercury content—so avoid king mackerel, marlin, orange roughy, swordfish, bigeye tuna [and] shark,” says Mahon. She says that Salmon, cod, tilapia, and lobster are all safe as long as they’re cooked thoroughly.

Alcohol

You might not raise a glass to this: There’s no known safe level of alcohol consumption during pregnancy, according to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG). Alcohol can cause congenital abnormalities and developmental issues in baby and lead to fetal alcohol spectrum disorders (FASD), says Bonnie Zell, MD, MPH, FACOG, chief medical officer at Delfina, an AI-centered solution to maternal care. FASD can involve learning disabilities, behavioral problems, and physical abnormalities like small head size and poor vision and hearing, says Chuang. So, switch to mocktails and toast with the real thing after you give birth.

Smoking and Vaping

Smoking cigarettes and cigars or vaping can cause low birth weight and serious complications like placental abruption, says Mahon. “Children of pregnant people who smoke are at high risk of childhood asthma,” she says. Even if you don’t light up or vape yourself, try to avoid secondhand smoke as well, since it can also lead to issues, she adds.

Marijuana

“Marijuana has 500 different chemicals that can pass through the placenta and affect the baby,” Chuang explains. The potential side effects are serious: Fetal growth restriction, a higher risk of stillbirth, poor brain development, and more. Other recreational substances need to be off the table too. Illicit drugs can increase the risk of birth defects, says Chuang. “Opioid use disorder and intravenous drug abuse also increases the risk of severe infections such as HIV, hepatitis C, and hepatitis B,” she adds.

Certain Drugs and Supplements

While some over-the-counter medications are safe for pregnancy, many others can pose risks. See your healthcare provider as soon as you learn you’re expecting, advises Nina Farzin, PharmD, CEO and founder of oogiebear, a gentle solution for cleaning baby ears and noses. During this appointment, tell them everything you’re taking, including prescription and over-the-counter medicines, supplements, herbal remedies, teas, and vitamins. If necessary, they’ll help you find suitable swaps. In general, avoid drugs and supplements your provider doesn’t prescribe or approve for use during your pregnancy, adds Zell.

Certain (Extreme) Exercises

During the first trimester, you can generally stick to your typical exercise routine, says Adams-Pickett. But as your pregnancy progresses, your ligaments will begin to loosen, making you more prone to injuries and falls, she says. “As pregnancy advances, you may need to modify your routine because of discomfort and also because your center of gravity changes—and falls are a risk,” says Mahon. Here are a few types of pregnancy workouts to avoid, according to experts.

Hot Yoga

Don’t book hot yoga classes throughout your pregnancy, as high temperatures can increase the risk of neural tube defects and miscarriage, says Chuang. (Gentle prenatal yoga is not only okay but encouraged!)

Exercises are done lying on your back

Avoid these after the first trimester, since the position could restrict blood flow to the fetus, plus put pressure on your spine and back muscles, says Ashley Rawlins, PT, DPT, a pelvic and obstetric physical therapist and clinical educator at Origin.

High-risk sports and strenuous exercises

It’s important to avoid contacts and high-impact sports, like hockey and football, and activities with a high risk of falling or injury, like skiing, horseback-riding, and rock climbing, says Zell. “What’s strenuous for one person might not be strenuous for the next,” she adds. “Avoid activities that overly strain your body; early pregnancy is not the time to run a marathon if you’re not already a marathon runner.”

Hot Tubs, Saunas, and Hot Baths

As with hot yoga, you should avoid these hot environments, says Chuang, since a significant increase in body temperature could harm the baby.

Litter Boxes

At last, you have a solid excuse for not changing your cat’s litter box: Cat poop can carry a pathogen that causes an illness called toxoplasmosis, says Mahon. “Toxoplasmosis can have a devastating effect on a growing fetus and can cause hearing loss and neurodevelopmental delays,” she says. “No trimester is free from risk if you contract toxoplasmosis, but the earlier in pregnancy you’re infected, the more harm to your growing baby.”

Radiation From X-Rays

Avoid X-rays and other forms of radiation unless your healthcare provider feels it’s medically necessary, says Zell.

Harsh Chemicals

There’s a lack of research on the subject, but it can’t hurt and might help to avoid harsh chemicals in certain cleaning products. “Solvents are the main culprit you want to avoid in pregnancy because they’re associated with low birth weight and even miscarriage,” says Mahon. “It’s also a good idea to avoid pesticide sprays.”

Certain Skin-Care Ingredients

It’s important to avoid certain skin-care products during pregnancy due to their potential effect on the baby. For example, retinoids, often used for acne treatment, have been linked to birth defects. ACOG advises pregnant women to avoid products with phthalates, parabens, oxybenzone, and triclosan, and to look for products marked “fragrance-free” rather than “unscented.”

Exposure to Illnesses

Chickenpox, measles, shingles, and hand-foot-and-mouth disease can be very dangerous for babies or cause significant birth defects, warns Adams-Pickett. Try to avoid contact with people who are sick, wash your hands, and wipe down surfaces religiously.

Now that you’re aware of these precautions, you can make informed choices to take better care of your body and baby for a healthier pregnancy, says Chuang. “It’s important to note that these recommendations are general guidelines, and individual circumstances may vary,” she adds. Now, it’s time to take a deep breath: You’re doing your due diligence as you head toward your due date.

Saturday 17 August 2024

Do you know the REASON WHY YOU’RE STRUGGLING IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP, AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT

 Discover the surprising truth about the different stages of your relationship.


This video refers to five relationship stages, not three (as you may have heard me speak about in a newer video). For the sake of simplicity, I now refer to stages 3, 4, and 5 as the Mature Love stage.

Why do some relationships break up and others last for a lifetime?

One reason is that relationships go through 5 predictable relationship stages. Each stage builds upon the previous one.

By understanding the 5 stages of a relationship, you’ll expect each stage and not get “stuck” in any of them.

  1. The Romance Stage
  2. The Power Struggle Stage
  3. The Stability Stage
  4. The Commitment Stage
  5. The Co-Creation or Bliss Stage

1. THE ROMANCE STAGE (DRUG ADDICTION PHASE)

The Romance Stage of Relationship

The Romance Stage begins when we fall in love with someone.

It can last up to 2 years and then it ends as quickly as it began.

In the romance stage, we experience love in its most immature form – infatuation.

Infatuation is “foolish” in that we can only see our partner’s light side. We’re in complete denial of their dark side.

They too are only seeing us through rose tinted glasses.




 

A useful way to understand the importance of the Romance Stage is to look at it through the lens of evolution. Nature needed a way to ensure that us humans would reproduce (and ensure the survival of our species). So, nature adapted and an emotion called love was born. The feeling of love encourages us to pair-bond, but not with just anyone…

Nature makes sure we fall in love with someone who appears to be the most incompatible person in the entire universe…

…the person least capable of meeting our needs and most capable of making our worst nightmares come true.

Not very romantic, I know… but I imagine you’re nodding your head as you recognize this truth. ðŸ™‚

Why would nature want us to fall in love with someone so incompatible?

Because this same person usually has complementary traits to our own e.g. we’re more analytical and they’re more nurturing.

Their traits compensate for our weaknesses and vice versa.

Combined, the sum of our differences forms a unit more resilient than each of us are as individuals.

And a strong unit is more likely to survive and ensure the continuation of the human species.

But of course, when we fell in love we couldn’t yet see all of our partner’s flaws.

If we had known about them so early on, we’d have run like hell in the opposite direction…

Which is exactly why nature has to DRUG us!

When you fall in love, your brain releases a cocktail of chemicals with fancy names (including Oxytocin, Phenylethylamine, Serotonin, and Dopamine).

These are all designed to set your heart thumping and light a fire in your loins.

In fact, the only difference between being in love and being (an addict) high on drugs is that being in love is legal.

Just like getting high, falling in love allows you to see your new partner through beautiful rose tinted glasses – only showing you what makes you feel good and filtering out all the bad stuff.

Your drug induced haze forces you to only notice where you’re similar, hiding your partner’s flaws.

It also makes you say and do whatever is necessary to get along and please the other.

The biggest trap of the Romance stage is our dishonesty. 

It’s not that we lie, but more that we aren’t completely truthful. Letting our partner see who we are and know what we want might scare them off. So we keep parts of ourselves hidden.

Knowing this, are you willing to risk rejection and talk about some potentially difficult topics with your new partner?

For example, it might be useful to know now whether or not you’re both on the same page about having kids, or monogamy etc.

If you can get these “deal-breaker” conversations out of the way now, the rest of your relationship will go a lot more smoothly.

Inevitably, the Romance stage grinds to a halt when the drugs wear off.

At this point, your brain stops producing those delicious love chemicals.

You wake up one morning with what I call a “Love Hangover”, laying next to the most incompatible person in the universe thinking “Something’s wrong with this relationship.

That can take anywhere from 2 months to 2 years to happen.

Often this happens when one of you perceives some kind of permanence to the relationship.

Permanence might be symbolized by:

  • dating exclusively,
  • moving in together,
  • meeting the parents,
  • getting pregnant,
  • getting engaged or married,
  • or anything else that symbolizes permanence to you.

And then the Power Struggle stage kicks in (cue JAWS music here).

INTERESTING FACT ABOUT THE RELATIONSHIP STAGES!

Couple romantically kissing in the Romance Stage of Relationship

Hollywood has glamorized the Romance Stage, making it out to seem like the pinnacle of romantic achievement.

As a result, when your relationship arrives at the Power Struggle stage, it’s easy to

incorrectly assume that because your relationship doesn’t look like the movies, it must be flawed.

Often, couples in the Power Struggle stage break up or divorce hoping to find a more compatible mate… only to discover that the same patterns re-emerge in their next relationship… and their next relationship… and their next relationship.

2. THE POWER STRUGGLE STAGE (THE LOVE HANGOVER)

The highest percentage of first marriage divorces happen here – around the 3-year to 4-year mark.

This is such a painful time for most couples as the illusion that ‘romantic love will last forever’ falls away.  Feelings of disappointment and anger replace it.

Couple fighting in the Power Struggle Stage of Relationship

Instead of only seeing their similarities (as you did in the Romance stage), now all you can see are their differences and flaws.

So, you get to work trying to change your partner back into the person you originally hoped they were, or punish them for not being that way, or both.

Often one partner withdraws,
while the other partner pursues…

Often one partner withdraws, shutting down their heart and pulling away to get some space…

…while the other partner pursues them, demanding their attention while feeling desperately afraid that they are being emotionally deserted.

The Hailstorm and the Turtle Couple fighting in the Power Struggle in the Power Struggle Stage of Relationship

I call these two characters the Hailstorm and the Turtle.

Most of my work with couples involves helping these two types of people get on the same page, meet each other’s needs and be happy together.

If you recognize this pattern in your own relationship or marriage, then your relationship has almost certainly entered the Power Struggle Stage.

The purpose of this stage of the relationship is for you to establish your autonomy inside your relationship, without destroying the loving bond that the two of you have worked so carefully to build.

HOW LONG WILL YOUR POWER STRUGGLE STAGE LAST?

The Power Struggle stage can last anywhere from a few months to many years. I’ve worked with couples who have been stuck in the Power Struggle for more than 50 years.

How long it lasts for you two will depend on your:

  1. willingness to embrace change,
  2. childhood history, and
  3. the quality of the relationship repair advice you receive.

If you recognize that your relationship is stuck in the Power Struggle stage, I suggest you join my Free Relationship Help Course (opens in a new tab) which will provide you with solutions.

There are 2 ways most couples deal with their Power Struggle stage.

  • THEY BREAK UP: They take the nearest exit and break up. Very often these people are serial daters, looking for love, but finding disappointment instead.
  • THEY SURVIVE: They continue along their journey together, surviving through the pain and frustration of a relationship that is stuck in the past and no longer growing.

    People who have chosen this option typically think that good relationships involve sacrifice and compromise. Their relationship eventually emotionally flat-lines, along with their sex life.

OVERCOMING THE POWER STRUGGLE STAGE OF RELATIONSHIP

The third option is to get past your Power Struggle, either on your own (which Hailstorms and Turtles almost never manage to do), or with professional guidance.

You graduate from the Power Struggle stage when you:

  • discover a reliable way to communicate kindly about emotionally charged topics,
  • can quickly repair emotional disconnections between you,
  • can heal old hurt and restore broken trust,
  • learn to share power (and realize that using force will never get you what you want in love),
  • give up your fantasies of harmony without struggle, and
  • accept and appreciate each other’s differences.
Couple fighting in the Power Struggle Stage of Relationship

As simple as that sounds, actually getting through the Power Struggle stage is a bumpy ride for most couples.

It’s all too easy for one partner to quit halfway along the journey and end the relationship because it feels like too much hard work.

Often, this partner is too afraid to face aspects of themselves that their Power Struggle stage is forcing them to confront.

So what can you look forward to beyond the Power Struggle?

3. THE STABILITY STAGE

The Stability stage of romantic relationships

Once you’ve learned how to fight in a way that both of you win, you move to the Stability relationship stage. A period of relative peace follows.

If you’ve actually resolved your differences and gotten on the same page together, the thrill of being loved returns. 

This time in a deeper, more mature form than in the Romance stage.

In the Stability stage, it finally becomes very clear that you’re never ever going to succeed in changing your partner and you’ve given up trying to.

You’re OK with your partner being different from you. You both have clear boundaries and you need to learn mutual respect. If you don’t, the hurtful patterns of your Power Struggle will keep haunting you.

STABILITY STAGE TIP

You can get stuck in this relationship stage if you get too attached to the peace and stability that comes with it. Then, boredom can easily set in.

Remember that all growth requires change and getting outside your comfort zone. You can keep growing together by consciously creating new shared experiences.

For example, travelling together, or attending a personal-development seminar together, or a relationship improvement course together.

4. THE COMMITMENT STAGE

The commitment stage has nothing to do with getting married.

In the commitment stage, you fully surrender to the reality that you and your partner are human and that your relationship has shortcomings as a result.

The Commitment stage of romantic relationships

You’ve learned to love each other by having to like each other. You choose each other consciously.

You can honestly say to your partner,

“I don’t need you. I choose you, knowing all I know about you, good and bad.”

You begin to experience a beautiful balance of love, belonging, fun, power, and freedom.

The trap in this stage is thinking that all of your work together is done.

While this may be somewhat true on an individual level, your work in the world as a couple is just beginning.

Another trap is becoming lazy in maintaining your emotional connection.

Or, spending so much time together that you sacrifice your own personal goals.

INTERESTING FACT!

This is the first relationship stage where you’re actually prepared to be married.

Too many of us get married in the Romance stage when we’re high on drugs, and before we’ve learned to navigate conflict successfully.

Pretty crazy, huh?

5. THE BLISS / CO-CREATION STAGE

In this stage, your relationship evolves beyond the boundaries of your family unit and like a teenager leaving home, it moves out into the world.

You’ve learned that love is not infatuation, love is not power, love is not stability, and love is not commitment.

The Bliss stage of romantic relationships

Now, the two of you are both naturally called to give back to society in some way.

Often, couples in this stage work on a collaborative project together. It’s usually some kind of shared creative work that is intended to make the world a better place.

This project could be anything e.g. a business, a charity, an artwork, or a consciously raised child.

Neither of you would have been able to dream up this project on your own. It naturally emerges as the result of you growing through the stages together.


TIP

If you’ve been together many years, be careful not to invest so much energy into the outside world that you forget to nurture your relationship.

CONCLUSION: WHAT WE'VE LEARNED ABOUT RELATIONSHIP STAGES

These five relationship stages are not a linear process; they are more like a spiral, circling upwards.

One relationship stage will dominate your partnership at any given time until you learn that stage’s lesson.

You retain the lessons you learned at each previous stage and bring them forward with you as you grow up together.

You’ll keep returning to the Power Struggle stage until you learn to:

  • resolve conflict in a way that builds your partner up instead of tearing them down,
  • establish a reliable emotional connection,
  • repair broken trust and heal old hurt,
  • accept your partner’s flaws and appreciate how they’re different from you.

Still arguing about the same things over and over? Then it’s likely that your Power Struggle stage still has lessons to teach you both.

Most couples don’t ever make it beyond their Power Struggle stage. That’s why the average divorce rate is more than 50%.

Consider this likelihood: Most of us wouldn’t break up in the Romance Stage – it’s just too delicious.

Once we’ve made it through the Power Struggle stage, there’s not a lot of reason to end our relationship either. We’re happily getting our needs met.

That means…

If you’re in the Power Struggle stage of your relationship now (or you’re currently single), you’ve probably never made it past the Power Struggle stage. Ever!

Think about the significance of that for a second.

The Power Struggle has likely sabotaged every committed relationship you’ve ever had. What are the odds that it won’t sabotage your current relationship too? Slim.

Food for thought, right?

If you’d like some help getting past your Power Struggle stage, join my Free Relationship Help Course.

Then, let me know which relationship stage yours is in (in the comments below).

Lastly, if you enjoyed this article and would like to learn more, join my mailing list (by clicking the link above).

I’ll send you a free video training on how to end the conflict and start being happy together.

Thank you for https://www.loveatfirstfight.com/


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